I read a couple of interesting articles about why women cry and how often they cry. Personally, I think I've shed enough tears the past 2 months to fill my quota for the year (and it's only February). It's been a rough holiday season and I'm sure people are sick of hearing about it all. The good news is that all the stuff that was really stressful and emotional over Christmas and New Years seems to be settling down, for the most part. The stressful part is just dealing with everything all at once. So, I was mentally keeping track of all my emotional break downs and I have to say that there has been a huge influx lately. Not only are things in my personal life and family feeling a bit torn but I am realizing that my "need to help" and "need to please" factors that are usually what help get me places are actually working against me. I've got a lot on my plate right now, as in things to do and mentally, I think I am stretched too thin. I was thinking that a good old savasna at Moksha would be what I need right now, probably daily actually.
I was at physio today and we were working on my shoulder and then she started stripping at my neck and all around that area and she said, "wow... This is all just due to stress." If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. I've hit "the breaking point" a few times but never actually fallen off the edge. Certainly, looking back my situations now are not nearly as intense as my last year of high school and a couple of times throughout my Vikes career but somehow, it always still feels the same way. I'm sure it's all worked up to be way worse in my head, too but regardless... I feel like I need someone to take care of me or drag me out of bed because I'm not moving too far right now.
I thought that I would find peace being with my dog but it turns out that he is giving me heart attacks too. He's not quite as ready as I thought he was to be out in the real world since his attack. I don't think my shoulders have relaxed from a little freak out that happened earlier this afternoon.
I definitely realize that since taking off time from my team life has gotten a lot more complex. I thought it would be more normal because I would have more time, be able to see my family, finish school, etc. It turns out that it makes me realize that playing hockey is a huge part of my life and not only does it structure my life but it gets me out there burning off physical energy and it's one time where I can let off steam and find peace. I guess I need to learn how to help myself relax and stop taking it out on other people. (This is me and my internal conflict resolution, for those who are caught up on that post... ) For now, I have to get a lot of school work done and find a way to be at peace with myself :)
It's tough being a girl and having all these crazy hormones mess with you but tack on a busy life and a messed up family and social life and things just tend to spiral downwards. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic but I guess writing it all down is part of therapy. Like alcoholics need sponsors to keep them on the right path, I feel like I am missing a sponsor right now in my life. My whole support system for me as come crashing down and it makes you realize that you really have to appreciate people in your life when they are there for you. When they aren't there, it's easy to fall apart....picking yourself up by yourself (with half an arm) is definitely a lot harder.
That being said, I've been reading up on how to stop crying so much so here are some tips from an article:
1. Anticipate situations when possible.
2. Increase your Self-Awareness
This one point talks about how women often cry without knowing why. I agree. Stupid mother nature.
3. Cultivate a sense of optimism - things generally work out.
4. Compartmentalize
5. Acknowledge your feelings or excuse yourself.
Anyway, my solution? Tonight I'm reaching out to whoever will let me vent and rant or else... maybe we can go throw paint balls at a wall or kick some cans over. I guess part of my recovery is learning more about myself and dealing with my own emotions... Usually I just dampen my day with workouts and practice and then I'm too tired to be emotional or worked up about anything. I guess I have to start thinking of a way to dig myself out of the huge hole I've created again. It's such a familiar place. That scares me.
Oh well, at least I have the FIH Indoor WC highlights. Too bad I wasn't there.
I forgot to add on that I stabbed myself with a fork today....
I was at physio today and we were working on my shoulder and then she started stripping at my neck and all around that area and she said, "wow... This is all just due to stress." If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. I've hit "the breaking point" a few times but never actually fallen off the edge. Certainly, looking back my situations now are not nearly as intense as my last year of high school and a couple of times throughout my Vikes career but somehow, it always still feels the same way. I'm sure it's all worked up to be way worse in my head, too but regardless... I feel like I need someone to take care of me or drag me out of bed because I'm not moving too far right now.
I thought that I would find peace being with my dog but it turns out that he is giving me heart attacks too. He's not quite as ready as I thought he was to be out in the real world since his attack. I don't think my shoulders have relaxed from a little freak out that happened earlier this afternoon.
I definitely realize that since taking off time from my team life has gotten a lot more complex. I thought it would be more normal because I would have more time, be able to see my family, finish school, etc. It turns out that it makes me realize that playing hockey is a huge part of my life and not only does it structure my life but it gets me out there burning off physical energy and it's one time where I can let off steam and find peace. I guess I need to learn how to help myself relax and stop taking it out on other people. (This is me and my internal conflict resolution, for those who are caught up on that post... ) For now, I have to get a lot of school work done and find a way to be at peace with myself :)
It's tough being a girl and having all these crazy hormones mess with you but tack on a busy life and a messed up family and social life and things just tend to spiral downwards. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic but I guess writing it all down is part of therapy. Like alcoholics need sponsors to keep them on the right path, I feel like I am missing a sponsor right now in my life. My whole support system for me as come crashing down and it makes you realize that you really have to appreciate people in your life when they are there for you. When they aren't there, it's easy to fall apart....picking yourself up by yourself (with half an arm) is definitely a lot harder.
That being said, I've been reading up on how to stop crying so much so here are some tips from an article:
1. Anticipate situations when possible.
2. Increase your Self-Awareness
This one point talks about how women often cry without knowing why. I agree. Stupid mother nature.
3. Cultivate a sense of optimism - things generally work out.
4. Compartmentalize
5. Acknowledge your feelings or excuse yourself.
Anyway, my solution? Tonight I'm reaching out to whoever will let me vent and rant or else... maybe we can go throw paint balls at a wall or kick some cans over. I guess part of my recovery is learning more about myself and dealing with my own emotions... Usually I just dampen my day with workouts and practice and then I'm too tired to be emotional or worked up about anything. I guess I have to start thinking of a way to dig myself out of the huge hole I've created again. It's such a familiar place. That scares me.
Oh well, at least I have the FIH Indoor WC highlights. Too bad I wasn't there.
I forgot to add on that I stabbed myself with a fork today....
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