I had a pretty rough morning today because the team was announced for Game 1 vs. Japan and my name wasn't on it. I always say it's therapeutic to write my thoughts out in times like these so you may have to bare with me as I am on a bit of a roller coaster right now. Sixteen players get announced to play with two being asked to warm up but not dress, in case there are any injuries in the warm-up.
Last December I had a chat with both my coaches about my performance at the Commonwealth Games in October 2010. They weren't entirely satisfied with it but then again, neither was I. I felt very determined to prioritize my physiology and work on the little details to become comfortable in my position. Ultimately, I already believed that I understood the game quite well but my physiology was letting me down. When I had my MRI on my shoulder and found out that all the pain I was having for the past year was due to an actual tear, I had another defining moment in my career. After discussing it with coaches and doctors we decided that the time frame to get the surgery was tight (5-6 months) but would give me the best chance to be healthy at Pan Ams. If I didn't get the surgery I would risk playing in even more pain that I was already in.
We decided to go ahead with the surgery guaranteeing about 5 months away from hockey but only about 1 month away from physical training. I stuck to protocol like glue and although I was upset that I wasn't going to be with the team...somehow it, and it always does, worked out. I was able to finish school and graduate from University and I had some time to think about my commitment to the team and how much harder I wanted to fight to come back with no regrets. I was ahead of schedule, by surprise, and was released to start training right before we left for Vienna for the Champions Challenge. I of course was only going as a video tech but I also had planned a 2.5 week holiday after not knowing that I was able to play.
That may or may not be something that will have hurt my career from today's standpoint. I lost a lot of my hard work and physiological rehab in those 2.5 weeks but at the same time I had my eyes opened on the other side of the world. I had a chance to really clear my mind, think about what I wanted in life and actually feel like a normal person enjoying a vacation. No regrets from that standpoint, actually.
Either way, I never really truly consider myself "coming back" until about the first week of June. So, it's been almost two months and I've gotten games in left, right and center including a tonne at Senior nationals, the Training camp right after, the first and second 4-Nations... and now... The Japan Series.
So, the reason for the heading "Talk About Pressure" is because today when my name wasn't on the starting 16 for the game everything I just wrote about began popping into my head. Should I not have got the surgery? I spent too long away from the game. Maybe I never should have gone to Europe in the first place. Along time ago I wrote about internal and external conflict resolvers and I"m an internal one. So, I take everything on board and I reflect but the problems with that is you begin to doubt yourself. Times like these you have to be mentally sharp but I think I need the next few hours to doubt myself and then the rest of the time ahead of me to pick myself up and move forward.
Whether I continue with the team in their goal to reach a medal at the Pan Ams or not, I know something great is around the corner. I've for sure realized that life is a roller coaster and although I am so focused on field hockey right now, I know that whatever happens, something positive will come of it. It may not be clear to me now but I know something will. In the end, all of my experiences as an athlete, injured or otherwise, is going to help me moving forward. It will make me tougher and I truly believe that some of the toughest moments in my life ahead, I will be able to face thanks to these kinds of moments.
You can be your weakest or strongest in moments like this. You can rise up to the pressure or you can fall. I can define my own path from here and that's what needs to happen. I read a great quote the other day after we lost to Chile that sort of applies to my "failure" for today:
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose. For this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down"
And I'm a big visual person and I love photos. So, to cheer myself up here are some of the fun, happy moments I can remember and feed off of :
Last December I had a chat with both my coaches about my performance at the Commonwealth Games in October 2010. They weren't entirely satisfied with it but then again, neither was I. I felt very determined to prioritize my physiology and work on the little details to become comfortable in my position. Ultimately, I already believed that I understood the game quite well but my physiology was letting me down. When I had my MRI on my shoulder and found out that all the pain I was having for the past year was due to an actual tear, I had another defining moment in my career. After discussing it with coaches and doctors we decided that the time frame to get the surgery was tight (5-6 months) but would give me the best chance to be healthy at Pan Ams. If I didn't get the surgery I would risk playing in even more pain that I was already in.
We decided to go ahead with the surgery guaranteeing about 5 months away from hockey but only about 1 month away from physical training. I stuck to protocol like glue and although I was upset that I wasn't going to be with the team...somehow it, and it always does, worked out. I was able to finish school and graduate from University and I had some time to think about my commitment to the team and how much harder I wanted to fight to come back with no regrets. I was ahead of schedule, by surprise, and was released to start training right before we left for Vienna for the Champions Challenge. I of course was only going as a video tech but I also had planned a 2.5 week holiday after not knowing that I was able to play.
That may or may not be something that will have hurt my career from today's standpoint. I lost a lot of my hard work and physiological rehab in those 2.5 weeks but at the same time I had my eyes opened on the other side of the world. I had a chance to really clear my mind, think about what I wanted in life and actually feel like a normal person enjoying a vacation. No regrets from that standpoint, actually.
Either way, I never really truly consider myself "coming back" until about the first week of June. So, it's been almost two months and I've gotten games in left, right and center including a tonne at Senior nationals, the Training camp right after, the first and second 4-Nations... and now... The Japan Series.
So, the reason for the heading "Talk About Pressure" is because today when my name wasn't on the starting 16 for the game everything I just wrote about began popping into my head. Should I not have got the surgery? I spent too long away from the game. Maybe I never should have gone to Europe in the first place. Along time ago I wrote about internal and external conflict resolvers and I"m an internal one. So, I take everything on board and I reflect but the problems with that is you begin to doubt yourself. Times like these you have to be mentally sharp but I think I need the next few hours to doubt myself and then the rest of the time ahead of me to pick myself up and move forward.
Whether I continue with the team in their goal to reach a medal at the Pan Ams or not, I know something great is around the corner. I've for sure realized that life is a roller coaster and although I am so focused on field hockey right now, I know that whatever happens, something positive will come of it. It may not be clear to me now but I know something will. In the end, all of my experiences as an athlete, injured or otherwise, is going to help me moving forward. It will make me tougher and I truly believe that some of the toughest moments in my life ahead, I will be able to face thanks to these kinds of moments.
You can be your weakest or strongest in moments like this. You can rise up to the pressure or you can fall. I can define my own path from here and that's what needs to happen. I read a great quote the other day after we lost to Chile that sort of applies to my "failure" for today:
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose. For this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down"
And I'm a big visual person and I love photos. So, to cheer myself up here are some of the fun, happy moments I can remember and feed off of :
 |
| 2008 - Vikes win CIS Championships on home turf |
 |
| 2009 Christmas - I get LEO! |
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| 2005 - Canada Summer Games Champions |
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| 2004 - St. Margaret's graduating field hockey players |
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