I keep getting told that sometimes our failures or things that defeat us are all because they are meant to be. I started a new mantra before that I'd take what life throws at me and accept that things just happen for a reason. That was a one year phase that lead me to a pretty dark place that I don't want to re-visit. Nonetheless it seems that things are "happening for a reason" again and yet another failure on the dreaded beep test has really led me to ponder as whether I am cut out for this. Is this yet another life test to push myself mentally past a barrier I know I am capable of or is it a sign that I am not committed to devoting my life to a sport that though emotionally can pay back.... practically is asking for a lot.
I think of all the many things I am missing out on and a slap in the face tells me that I am doing something that tonnes wish they could come close to. Not to take it for granted but I miss all the other freedoms and challenges life has waiting for me. The hard part? I love my sport. I love what I do and if I could do it forever maybe I would. This is one more struggle I have to grit through and even though you are told when you are young not to care about what other people think or say about you - it's hard when everyone is taking off to new levels and I'm still stuck at the platform. I'm going to keep working hard but sometimes, I need my brain to kick it up a notch and get me where I need to be.
With the World Cup drawing near it is an exciting time for competitive team sports all around the world. The newest advertisements for the South African tournament have left me drooling for more of what I am doing. Have a look:
On another note, things I want to get on top of ... ie my high list of ambitions include
-prepping for MCAT courses and the big test for the summer
-getting more kms on my bike
-initiating some more fundraising campaigns
-following the "sweat once a day" program
-learning more about my camera and taking more photos
-making a "Canada's Top Chef" video for my cousin
-burning through an 11.0 to 12.0
-getting on top of my music tastes (just introduced to The Hype Machine)
-enrolling back at UVic to GRADUATE from the deep Biochemistry hole I am in
Those are a few, I'm sure there are a tonne more. Much more to come. I'm flying again tomorrow morning bright and early heading to the infamous Cal Cup where most teams go to drink and party, heck my team is, but I just want to get some game time, some sun and a chance for us to bring back $5000.
Stay tuned.
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